Well don't tell anybody in the Australian government, but I am the son of a man who emigrated from the UK in the early 70's, who misbehaved so badly he was quickly deported back to England. Oh the irony!

My mother, being the old fashioned type, dutifully returned with her errant husband, only to divorce him and hook up with a knife throwing Romanian. Life was a whirlwind of glinting steel and candy floss, which I quickly tired of, and so moved out of the horse drawn caravan we called home, and into the wide world.

After several years stowed away in the depths of a P&O cross channel ferry I set foot on Australian soil. By good forging fortune, I now call Australia home.

Scott Swabey, aka Lafinboy

The truth, embelished truth, or false truth? A bit from each pot maybe. Buy me a beer and I'll let you know which bit comes from which pot.